Baby Why Why Why

Tight bleach tipped curls used to be the epitome of sexy. That shit was red hot. I was fourteen when ‘N Sync became the bad boys of young teen girl dreams. They dominated TRL. It was a fight to the top between them and the Backstreet Boys. I ask you now, just as I asked myself then, why was that such a thing? I want to know because there has been a resurgence of boy bands in the last year. Specifically, The Wanted and One Direction. Another pair of boy bands are born, but who gave birth to them and why do they live in my TV now?

I decided to do some "research". At least, this is what I told my boyfriend I was doing while watching a YouTube video of The Wanted. The boys seductively yell at girls that “They’re Glad They Came”. Did they mean orgasm? Because then I’d be like “Yeah cool me too” as I coyly sipped on a berry-lime wine cooler. I guess they were talking about “coming” to a party for overly bronzed teenagers and, I can only assume, one that ends with a guaranteed herpes contraction. 

Are these boys teens or men? Their dark stubble reads men but their slim fingers say transgendered. Is this party at their parent's vacation house? I feel a tingling down there while watching the video. I quickly realize I spilled an off brand soda on my lap.

Finally, several girls awkwardly arch backwards over a jagged rock on the beach. That concludes my "research". Anyways, if I had to choose, I’d pick the ethnic one.

The boy bands of my generation knew how to make a god damn music video. I want enormous fans blowing wife beaters clear off their bodies! I want choreographed dancing in front of jumbo jets! I want the ethnic one to point towards ME repeatedly so I know that this song was written specifically for ME, Jenna Marie Carey Timberlake, and that Justin and I are going to get married soon! Aside: Is Justin the ethnic one?

I’m too old for this.