INT. 1980’S OFFICE - NIGHT
CHARONE sits in front of a desk.
CHARONE
Hi, my name’s...
Charone spins around one rotation in the chair.
CHARONE
...Charone. Welcome to the Transcorp phone sex line training video. If you are watching this you probably have expressed a desire to enter the lucrative world of 1 800 numbers. All people love sex, especially over the phone. Transcorp is here to help you run the best sex line ever in just a few simple steps.
Charone picks up the receiver of a rotary phone.
CHARONE
Oooh. Sex. Yeah.
Charone hangs up the phone.
CHARONE
I know! I make it seem easy! But it is tough work sending sex sounds through a telephone. You might think the first step is just sounding sexy but slow down! That’s way too advanced! Jeeze!
Charone calms herself down and picks up the entire phone.
CHARONE
First, make sure you have a phone and are absolutely certain it’s a real phone. If it is real it will probably be plastic. If it is not real, like a toy phone - guess what? It will still be plastic, so be careful! Phones can be tricky. Second, some phones are used for sex and some phones are not used for sex. I know! Confusing! The type of phone you use for sex is totally up to you. I don’t care stop asking! Again, just be sure it’s a real phone and not a toy phone. Once I had an hour long conversation with a client only to find out it was a Teddy Ruxpin! He was a great story teller and it was still very sexy, but it’s something to be aware of.
Charone picks up the receiver of the phone.
CHARONE
Now that you have a real phone only pick up the part that you want to speak sex into, which we call the speaky part. I have heard some people call it a receiver but, um okay?! Ha ha. Makes no sense.
Charone keeps laughing for a few seconds too long.
CHARONE
Now, if you are holding the entire phone and the call turns out to be very good and sexy then your arm will get tired. You might even be tempted to stop the call. Oh no because that means less phone sex! This is bad and pretty much the opposite goal of phone sex. More phone sex means more money. Money is awesome!
Charone starts twirling around.
CHARONE
I have great news! I’m wet! Oh, and also, we’re closer to having real phone sex!
Charone gets tangled in the phone cord.
CHARONE
Shoot! The phone cord has finally captured me. You know phone cords can be dangerous! I used to think they only existed to twirl my finger around them when I was bored but they also carry things inside of them. Kind of like a uterus but with more metal.
Charone stares off momentarily.
CHARONE
Imagine if phones didn’t have cords? That would be so crazy. Just thinking about it scares me. I don’t like this feeling!
Charone quickly untangles herself from the cord.
CHARONE
Now that we’re untangled, all we have to do is wait for the phone to ring. While we’re waiting let’s make sure no one else is using the phone line.
Charone picks up the phone.
CHARONE
Hello? All clear.
Charone hangs up the phone. She picks up the phone again.
CHARONE
Hello? Still clear.
Charone hangs up the phone. She picks up the phone again.
CHARONE
Dad? I mean, hello?
Charone hangs up the phone.
CHARONE
The line is clear! We’re finally ready to make as much phone sex as our mouths can muster.
Charone hangs up the phone.
CHARONE
I hope this training video helps you have lots of lucrative phone sex. Also I just realized Charone rhymes with phone. Awesome.
BLACK OUT
CHARONE sits in front of a desk.
CHARONE
Hi, my name’s...
Charone spins around one rotation in the chair.
CHARONE
...Charone. Welcome to the Transcorp phone sex line training video. If you are watching this you probably have expressed a desire to enter the lucrative world of 1 800 numbers. All people love sex, especially over the phone. Transcorp is here to help you run the best sex line ever in just a few simple steps.
Charone picks up the receiver of a rotary phone.
CHARONE
Oooh. Sex. Yeah.
Charone hangs up the phone.
CHARONE
I know! I make it seem easy! But it is tough work sending sex sounds through a telephone. You might think the first step is just sounding sexy but slow down! That’s way too advanced! Jeeze!
Charone calms herself down and picks up the entire phone.
CHARONE
First, make sure you have a phone and are absolutely certain it’s a real phone. If it is real it will probably be plastic. If it is not real, like a toy phone - guess what? It will still be plastic, so be careful! Phones can be tricky. Second, some phones are used for sex and some phones are not used for sex. I know! Confusing! The type of phone you use for sex is totally up to you. I don’t care stop asking! Again, just be sure it’s a real phone and not a toy phone. Once I had an hour long conversation with a client only to find out it was a Teddy Ruxpin! He was a great story teller and it was still very sexy, but it’s something to be aware of.
Charone picks up the receiver of the phone.
CHARONE
Now that you have a real phone only pick up the part that you want to speak sex into, which we call the speaky part. I have heard some people call it a receiver but, um okay?! Ha ha. Makes no sense.
Charone keeps laughing for a few seconds too long.
CHARONE
Now, if you are holding the entire phone and the call turns out to be very good and sexy then your arm will get tired. You might even be tempted to stop the call. Oh no because that means less phone sex! This is bad and pretty much the opposite goal of phone sex. More phone sex means more money. Money is awesome!
Charone starts twirling around.
CHARONE
I have great news! I’m wet! Oh, and also, we’re closer to having real phone sex!
Charone gets tangled in the phone cord.
CHARONE
Shoot! The phone cord has finally captured me. You know phone cords can be dangerous! I used to think they only existed to twirl my finger around them when I was bored but they also carry things inside of them. Kind of like a uterus but with more metal.
Charone stares off momentarily.
CHARONE
Imagine if phones didn’t have cords? That would be so crazy. Just thinking about it scares me. I don’t like this feeling!
Charone quickly untangles herself from the cord.
CHARONE
Now that we’re untangled, all we have to do is wait for the phone to ring. While we’re waiting let’s make sure no one else is using the phone line.
Charone picks up the phone.
CHARONE
Hello? All clear.
Charone hangs up the phone. She picks up the phone again.
CHARONE
Hello? Still clear.
Charone hangs up the phone. She picks up the phone again.
CHARONE
Dad? I mean, hello?
Charone hangs up the phone.
CHARONE
The line is clear! We’re finally ready to make as much phone sex as our mouths can muster.
Charone hangs up the phone.
CHARONE
I hope this training video helps you have lots of lucrative phone sex. Also I just realized Charone rhymes with phone. Awesome.
BLACK OUT
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