hello and goodbye

While I continue the never ending job hunt I've been thinking about the jobs I've briefly held, but couldn't stomach. You know, the job that you stay at for 1-2 days before realizing you MUST leave now or your soul will be sucked out and sent to Russia while some rich twit wears it,  and you curl into the fetal positon until you can get it back*. Surprise, surprise, I've had quite a few of those jobs. I wonder if it would be considered in bad taste to clump them together on my resume as one collective job. It would probably add up to a few months worth of first and second days. Here we go:

Clothing Bitch - This job lasted two weeks, but it was no less hellish than the others. I was working 30 hour weeks while in college full-time, it was just too much and I bailed on my lunch break.

Quality Control Chick - I lasted about 4 hours here and split on my dinner break (there's a pattern forming, methinks). I had to pick out defects on paper that was whizzing past me at about 50 mph. For eight bucks an hour, seriously?

Shipping Store Clerk - There were two girls who worked there and talked all day about how drunk they wanted to get / had gotten / were currently as they worked. A one day deal.

Artist Admin Lady - This was weird. I was to work out of this artist's studio (located behind his home) and I emailed hundreds of people INDIVIDUALLY. He didn't want to do a bulk email, so I had to sit there for a week emailing the same thing hundreds of times. Also, the bathroom was inside of his house and made me feel creepy.

School Photography Rep - The job sucked but the people were actually decent. I ended up going back to a previous job so I left after a few weeks. It was a temporary job, so I don't feel too bad about this one.

Order Processing Girl - The lady training me was a bitch. She hated everyone, didn't really teach me anything and ended up quitting the same day I did. Oddly, after we both quit the owner called me and asked me to come back for a week because they were screwed, and paid me a bunch of cash money. Sweet!

Vet Receptionist - My most recent of job failures. A weird place filled with evil people. I might also contribute an awful sickness I had at the time to the misery of this experience.

It's not like I can't hold a job down, in fact, I hate starting new gigs. It gives me the heebie jeebies, butterflies deep down, I don't like it see. I suppose the most important criteria I would impose on my future job would be in regards to the employees. Just put me somewhere far from the evil bitchy drunk-ass crazy weirdo perverts and all will be well.

*Or maybe that was a scene from Cold Souls. Heh.

itchy with the crazies

The past few weeks have been, oh, a bit tumultuous. I quit my job, was then offered a part-time position, was then unceremoniously canned and then realized I was fucked. I started classes at a community college and have been fighting the urge to run away screaming. Think of me as Chevy Chase's character Pierce on Community, I'm the old guy that couldn't make it to a university. Awesome. I've been riding my bike and wheeze and hack when faced with the slightest incline. My dogs have somehow all become fat and heinous, I'd like to blame this on all of the tv they watch and soda pop they consume. They're all getting giant hamster wheels or video instruction from Ceasar Milan.

My third week of school and second week of unemployment begin bright and early tomorrow morning. It's going to be cloudy and a brisk thirty degrees. Hold me.

all work, no play

Do not accept or send facebook friend requests to co-workers, because where else can you then publicly bitch about them? In fact, I highly recommend hiding in a hole for eternity to avoid the inevitable hassle they'll create. I'm quitting soon. Yay voluntary unemployment in a recession. Don't worry guys, I heard from NPR that things are improving, which I'll interpret as bottoming out, seeing as we're still losing jobs and unemployment hasn't budged. It can only get better from here.