bored to death

This past weekend I cut my hair, had dinner with friends, went to a stand-up comedy show, watched some of the friends I had dinner with run a 5k, attended my improv class and planted my fall garden. Phew.

Yet, come Monday morning I find myself incredibly bored. I don't like living for the weekend. Trading five days for two seems a bit disproportionate.

When I was a freshman in high school I was mainly friendless. My best friend from elementary school had moved on to bigger and better things (ie calling me a loser and getting herself pregnant) and my other friends from middle school began drinking and drugging. From a very young age I had developed a strong hatred for drugs and alcohol which stemmed from having an alcoholic and drug dependent mother. So I lost those friends as well. Since I had been raised by television, that is what I naturally fell back to during those lonely afternoons when school was out. I had sort of become obsessed with Saturday Night Live and Kids from the Hall. They played back to back for two hours on Comedy Central. I was pretty convinced I would be on SNL, even though I had never performed comedy and had an all consuming fear of public interactions. Thinking back, my interest beyond the comedy was to be able to be around funny and motivated people.

I haven't really revisited my dreams of  being on SNL, even though it used make me really happy just to sneak in a daydream about stepping on that stage. My most recent improv class sort of rekindled the fire on those distant ideas of performing. It was week two of character play, something I've found to be extremely uncomfortable. Just the idea of being on stage, alone, and inventing ten characters in a row made me want to die inside a little. But, I did it, without dying or vomiting. And to my surprise, it was fucking exhilarating. It felt good to do something well and have fun. So now, high on one positive experience I've been reliving my SNL dreams. Lorne, call me.