BENEATH THE BRIEFS
Jenna Marie Carey
"Episode #2 - Making Friends"
INT. THEATER. NIGHT
Hulk is watching a comedy show in a small black box
theater. His loud chuckle and bright uniform stick out in a sea of black
shirts and quiet laughter.
INT. THEATER LOBBY. NIGHT
Hulk stands near a group of the performers from
earlier in the night and laughs intermittently while they chat. They
all turn to look at him unsure of what he wants.
HULK HOGAN
Everyone here is so cool.
FILM MAKER (OS)
They don't seem very friendly.
EXT. THEATER. NIGHT
Hulk leans on the side of the theater near the door as performers exit the theater.
HULK HOGAN
Great job friends!
The performers give half smiles and walk away.
FILM MAKER (OS)
Maybe we should go home? No one is really talking to you.
Hulk walks alone up a hill away from the theater.
EXT. TRAIN STATION. NIGHT
Hulk stands alone crying at the entrance to the
train. TONY, a performer from the theater, approaches like he's about
to mug Hulk. Before he does Hulk turns around.
TONY
(caught off guard)
Uh, hey! You alright buddy?
HULK HOGAN
Yeah, just having a rough night I guess.
TONY
Okay just checking, I'll see you...
Hulk starts crying louder until it becomes unbearable.
TONY
(sigh)
Do you want to get a drink?
Hulk wipes away his tears.
HULK HOGAN
In a bar or at your house?
TONY
Bar.
HULK HOGAN
Not your house?
TONY
No.
HULK HOGAN
Yeah, I guess so.
FILM MAKER (OS)
(whispering)
That guy was definitely trying to mug you before you turned around. Let's get out of here.
HULK HOGAN
Don't ruin this. I think I have a really good shot at having a slumber party tonight.
Hulk squeals with delight at the thought.
Tony and Hulk walk up the hill together. Hulk repeatedly tries to grab Tony's hand and Tony swats it away each time.
INT. BAR. NIGHT
Hulk and Tony are seated at a bar.
HULK HOGAN
Raspberry lime rickey please.
The bartender delivers Hulk's drink, a pink beverage filled with fruit and a miniature umbrella. Hulk notices Tony looking at his beverage disapprovingly.
HULK HOGAN
I stopped drinking and started loving three people.
Hulk counts out on his fingers.
HULK HOGAN
Me, myself and... me.
TONY
And I?
HULK HOGAN
And you what? You're fruity Tony.
Hulk holds the mini umbrella from his drink over his head.
HULK HOGAN
It's raining TENS. Ha ha. Seriously, look at all the babes in here.
Hulk turns in his bar stool to face a girl standing with her boyfriend.
HULK HOGAN
Drop the dud and get with this sexy dude that's talking to you right now.
TONY
You mean stud?
HULK HOGAN
Whoah back off my man meat Tony.
Hulk turns back to the girl.
HULK HOGAN
Drop the zero and get with, me.
TONY
Hero. You're a "hero".
HULK HOGAN
I'm sorry Tony but I'm not gay for you. I'm gay for the ladies.
Hulk turns back towards the girl.
HULK HOGAN
Do you like majique?
Hulk pulls a bunny out of a hat and immediately gets
swept up into an impressed crowd. Tony notices Hulk is distracted and
steals his keys and wallet. Tony exits the bar.
LATER
Hulk walks back to the bar stool he was sitting at.
HULK HOGAN
Sorry, I got distracted - there were at least three
to five nipples touching my back at all times over there. Not sure why
it always felt like an odd number of nipples though. Never even. Not
even once... Tony?
Hulk notices Tony and his items are missing.
HULK HOGAN
I guess the slumber party is canceled.
EXT. SIDEWALK. NIGHT
Hulk walks alone toward the train station.
FILM MAKER (OS)
Sorry Terry. Do you need to borrow some cash to get home?
HULK HOGAN
No I'm going to walk home.
FILM MAKER (OS)
You live in Harlem. That's at least eight miles from here.
Hulk starts pissing in a corner.
HULK HOGAN
Really? I could probably live here for a while.
Hulk lays in his piss corner.
FILM MAKER (OS)
You just laid down in your own piss.
HULK HOGAN
Hey, I don't tell you what to do in your house, do I?
FILM MAKER (OS)
This isn't your house.
HULK HOGAN
I revoke your invitation to my house.
FILM MAKER (OS)
That only works on vampires. In movies.
HULK HOGAN
Fine, you win vampire. Kiss my neck and be gone.
FILM MAKER (OS)
I'll see you tomorrow Terry.
HULK HOGAN
(falling asleep)
I touched three to five nipples tonight.
BLACK OUT
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